wiwi789
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Bonjour pouvez vous m'aider j'ai une tâche finale à faire en anglais , je dois écrire une histoire effrayante avec beaucoup de suspens et s'arrêter au moment où "la chose apparaît" , j'ai déjà écrit mon texte et j'aimerai que vous me corriger les erreurs et apporter quelques modifications pour améliorer le texte svp , merci d'avance ... Voici mon texte : It was a spring evening, around 10:04 p.m. to be precise, I was at home, in my room, I was comfortably sitting on my large chair, doing my French homeworks This place was very dimly lit, given the fact that my desk lamp was not working, so I had difficulty writing. The night was very dark there was no noise at home, because I was alone. I was writing a fantasy story that was going to be called "the ghost in the black suit" that ghost take possession of a body and do anything with it. At that point in history, I was not feeling well. I was no longer myself. I wanted to have a drink of water but couldn't move a single millimeter. I was very scared! I was paralyzed by something, but what? I didn’t know. My heart rate picked up and my back was cold. After a few minutes I started to jump in my chair, the window had opened in front of my eyes and my blood froze, There was no wind outside, so who could have opened the window? A few seconds later an invisible hand took me by the arm, my blood froze, yes invisible because I did not see it but when she touched me, I felt her fingers so I concluded that it was indeed a hand or something something like that ...

Sagot :

explications :

It was a spring evening, around 10:04 p.m. to be precise, I was at home, in my room, I was comfortably sitting on my large chair, doing my French (pas besoin de le dire Le french) homeworks (homework sans ''s'') This place was very dimly lit, given the fact that my desk lamp was not working, so I had difficulty writing.(My lamp started flickering and it took it some time to work properly but in the end it stopped working so i had a hard time writing ) The night was very dark (pas besoind de dire very dark on sait que c'est la nuit ou tu peux dire : This night was darker than usual) there was no noise at home (it was so silent) because I was alone. I was writing a fantasy story that was going to be called "the ghost in the black suit" that ghost take (take avec s donc takes ) possession of a body and do (and does) anything with it. At that point in history, I was not feeling well. I was no longer myself. I wanted to have a drink of water (i wanted to drink water ) but couldn't move a single millimeter (couldn't move a muscle est mieux a dire ) ). I was very scared! I was paralyzed by something, but what? I didn’t know. My heart rate (heart beat ) picked up and my back was cold. After a few minutes I started to jump in my chair, the window had opened in front of my eyes and my blood froze, There was no wind outside, so who could have opened the window? A few seconds later an invisible hand took me by the arm, (shoulder est mieux ) my blood froze, yes invisible because I did not see it but when she touched me ( si invisible, comment sait tu que c'est une fille ?) (supprime cette phrase elle est inutile !)

, I felt her ( comment sait tu que c'est une fille ?) (remplace her par their ) (donc : i felt their )fingers so I concluded that it was indeed a hand or something something like that ... (inutile, trop de repetitions)

( donc; i felt their fingers, a fellig of fear started rising as i soon closed my eyes to forget this scary moment)

texte corrige:

It was a spring evening, around 10:04 p.m. to be precise, I was at home, in my room, I was comfortably sitting on my large chair, doing homework

This place was very dimly lit, given the fact that my desk lamp started flickering and it took it some time to work properly but in the end it stopped working so i had a hard time writing.  This night was darker than usual, it was so silent, being home alone. I was writing a fantasy story that was going to be called "the ghost in the black suit" that ghost takes possession of a body and does anything with it. At that point, I was not feeling well. I was no longer myself. I wanted to i wanted to drink water, but couldn't move a single muscle . I was very scared! I was paralyzed by something, but what? I didn’t know. My heart beat rose up and my back was cold. After a few minutes I started to jump in my chair, the window had opened in front of my eyes and my blood froze, There was no wind outside, so who could have opened the window? A few seconds later an invisible hand took me by the shoulder, i completely froze in fear.

i felt their fingers, a feeling of fear started rising as i soon closed my eyes to forget this scary moment.

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