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Bonjour, je dois rendre ce devoir à midi, mais je souhaiterais avoir votre avis (amélioration, correction...). La consigne est : You are going to write an essay and the following question will be: How do you react to protect the environment? Discuss.
Voila ma rédaction :
Firstly, protecting the environment is crucial to saving the planet. Global warming is
the main consequence of human activities. The result of the global warming is the rising of the sea levels, severity of storms, natural disasters and the melting of the polar ice cap.
Many people participate in environmental protection like Michael Jackson with his music « Earth Song », but everyone has to do something.
Every day, I try to do my best. It starts, when I go to school, I take public
transportation, not the car. We should stop using cars because gasoline is bad for nature, or use a hybrid car. Then, I sort in different bins : paper in one bin, plastic in another… and I use reusable bags, recycled bottles and rechargeable batteries. Also, when I’m at home, I eat seasonal fruits and vegetables, I turn off water and light when I don’t use them.
To conclude, everyone, must be careful, like not throwing papers on the floor but in the bin, to help protect the environment. We must protect the world orthewise it will be the end…

Sagot :

Réponse :

Je trouve que cela est très bien rédigé pour moi pas besoin d'amélioration particulière :)

Réponse :

The environment is today a burning issue because our nature is in danger and we must do something for it and our children

Firstly, protecting the environment is crucial to saving the planet. Global warming is the main consequence of human activities.  The global warming leads to the rising of the sea levels, it engenders natural disasters such as the melting of the polar ice cap, violent climate change...

Many people participate in environmental protection like Michael Jackson with his music « Earth Song », but everyone has to do something.

Every day, I try to do my best. It starts, when I go to school, I take public

transportation, not the car. We should stop using cars because gasoline is bad for nature, or use a hybrid car.

Then, I sort in different bins : paper in one bin, plastic in another… and I use reusable bags, recycled bottles and rechargeable batteries. Moreover, when I’m at home, I eat seasonal fruits and vegetables, I turn off water and light when I don’t use them.

To conclude, everyone, must be careful, and avoid throwing papers on the floor but in the bin, to help protect the environment. We must protect the world orthewise it will be the end

Explications : il te faudrait faire une petite intro de deux lignes. ce que j'ai corrigé est en gras, sinon c'était pas mal