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Bonjour ! Voici une rédaction d’anglais. Le but était d’avoir un récit fantastique. L’histoire n’est pas encore finie mais est ce que vous pourriez me dire si il y des tournures de phrases... fausses, ou me conseiller des améliorations pour cette première partie de rédaction ?
Merci beaucoup


voici la première partie de ma rédaction :
Miguel won a travel thanks to Brovo Loto. But he didn't know where he was going. He chose to accompany him his life Evelyne and two friends Cynthia and Maurice.
After three hours on the road, they arrived in a magnificent Verbier chalet. The next day, a helicopter came to get them and they are dropped on the top of the mountain. After two hours of intensive skiing they stopped picnicking. Suddenly a yeti appeared. Frightened, they quickly put on the skis ans dispense to flee. Cynthia and Maurice went to hide in a stranger cave. Twenty minutes later, Miguel and Evelyne joined them. All were reassured
“oh we’re glad to see you whole !” miguel sais
“Yes we were really scared... But now we are all safe and together !” she said cheerfully
“We are not going to find the chalet today it is getting dark ..” Evelyne said
“Yes let's stay safe sleeping in this cave we will continue our way tomorrow” Maurice said
“ It’s time to sleep !” Cynthia said tiredly

Sagot :

Bonjour je corrige juste les fautes!

Miguel won a travel, thanks to Brovo Loto. But he didn't know where he was going. He chose to bring his life (wife?) Evelyne and two friends, Cynthia and Maurice.

After three hours on the road, they arrived in a magnificent Verbier chalet. The next day, a helicopter came to get them and they are dropped on the top of a mountain. After two hours of intensive skiing, they stopped picnicking. Suddenly, a yeti appeared. Frightened, they quickly put on the skis and dispense to flee. Cynthia and Maurice went to hide in a strange cave. Twenty minutes later, Miguel and Evelyne joined them. All were reassured.

“Oh, we’re glad to see you all !” Miguel says.

“Yes, we were really scared... But now we are all safe and together !” she (Qui parle? Remplace "She" par le prénom de celle qui parle, sinon on sait pas qui c'est.) said cheerfully.

“We are not going to find the chalet today and it's (J'ai raccourci, ça sonne mieux pour moi.) getting dark...” Evelyne said.

“Yes, let's stay safe and sleep in this cave. We will continue our way tomorrow.” Maurice said.

“ It’s time to sleep.” Cynthia said tiredly. (Si elle le dit en étant fatiguée, mettre un point d'exclamation rend la phrase contradictoire. Après je me trompe peut-être?)

Il manque juste de la ponctuation à certains endroits, comme au niveau des dialogues. Quelques fautes d'anglais mais rien de grave. :) Bon courage !

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